My Personal Testimony of Jesus Christ

On a Friday night, April 2, 2004, my life changed forever. I had no idea what was coming from above. I had looked toward the heavens many times only to receive empty answers that left me second-guessing. Sometimes, I doubted there even was a God.

My Life Before Christ

I had been raised a Jehovah’s Witness. We were officially converted when I was a little tyke, about the age of four. I remember my mother sitting me down to tell me we would never celebrate holidays again. I said to her, “That’s okay Mommy.” Years would pass and our family would become good little workers in the community of Jehovah’s Witnesses. Our family became seeded in their doctrines. We were told that all other religions were false and controlled by the Devil. Christians especially were controlled by the Devil. I remember looking at Churches and being afraid because that was where the Devil lived.

The phase of goodness and fellowship did not last long. Life seemed to take devastating twists. The religion we had accepted would be the same one to cast us out. Power hungry and prideful men excommunicated my parents on false grounds. Afterward, I began to see serious holes in their teachings. In my heart, I knew Jesus said that we should put love first above all things. I knew this was right. Yet, I had never seen this kind of love shown anywhere on earth, especially in myself.

My life and integrity took terrible twists. I started doing drugs, skipping school, and drinking. My life had always seemed empty and lost. I could not pinpoint why. At age nineteen, I gave into my depression and attempted suicide. God saved my physical life that day after many pleas for help. At that moment, I gave myself to God, the God I knew, not Jesus, and tried to live a decent life. I tried to be a good person. I gave up drugs and confessed my faith in God. However, I found life to still be a struggle. I discovered that trying to be good was even more of a struggle.

At this point, my parents had divorced and my father had remarried. I had gone off to college in Cincinnati. My brother went on to live with my father and my new mother enforced a rule that he must attend church so long as he lived in her house. A year later, my brother was saved and his life was changed dramatically. At the time, I was really proud of him thinking that he was a good man to change all his bad habits. I did not know the truth.

In Cincinnati, I grew into a terrible sinner. Smoking, drinking, lusting, fornication, pride: those are the prominent ones. I was never much of a lair; it just never suited me. I am brutally honest, so much so, that when one of my dates asked me to rate her on a scale of 1 to 10, I told her what I really thought. That was the last date.

Eventually, I would graduate and move in with my parents who lived in a small town stashed away in the mountains. There, my brother, took the opportunity to start preaching to me about Christ. We debated constantly. We argued and argued over scripture and philosophy. He kept telling me “Jesus is God.” I would not listen to him. He would not give up on me.

My New Birth in Christ

So what happened that Friday night?

Earlier that week, Bobby, a guy from my brother’s church, asked me join him at a study group the following Friday night. I had completely forgot and when he called I almost told him no. I wanted to stay home and drown my sorrows in a six-pack. However, I have this thing about sticking to my word. If I say I am going to do something, I try to do it. He asked me, so I went.

Bobby didn’t tell me we were going to a church. He made it sound like we were going to a casual gathering of friends. When he pulled into the church, I was a slight bit angered.

For the first few minutes I just sat there listening with a chip on my shoulder. The group of thirty young adults was quiet and no one knew what to talk about. I became quickly bored. I started thinking about my brother and how he would talk about being saved. I could not figure out what he was talking about. So, I decided to ask them. I waited for a moment of silence and boldly asked, “What does it mean to be saved?”

Everyone lit up like candles. They began explaining it to me just as my brother had so many times. It seemed like they were talking in code. They told me those that were saved knew they were going to Heaven. Being saved meant your were saved from Hell. To me though, that didn't seem like enough of a reason to jump up and run to God. I thought, if God was going to condemn me, that's His choice not mine.

Two preachers who were present had drawn themselves in closer to me. They kept asking me if I had ever broken any of the Ten Commandments. They also asked, “Do you want to go to Hell?” I then said to them, “I have been to Hell. My life is Hell. I am not afraid of Hell. I know I am a bad person. What I can’t figure out is why all you people think you are going to Heaven? What makes you so much better than me?” In a very loving and humble way, they quickly told me that they weren’t better.

They started to share their personal stories and the conversation deepened. I began to question myself and started asking more questions. Something wasn’t right, but I couldn’t figure it out.

They told me in order to be saved; I had to give everything up to Jesus. They explained that prayer could only be heard if it was through Jesus, as he is our mediator or representative for God. They said Jesus was the truth, the light, and the way. Still, this all didn't make any sense to me. I needed something more concrete. Jesus isn't here on earth, so how was I supposed to love him or follow him? I loved God, or so I had thought. Why wasn’t I saved? What was so different from me and these people where they could possibly think I was lost and they were saved?

At some point, it finally occurred to me what I had been doing wrong. Firstly, I was prideful. I believed in God. I just didn't believe He was a part of our lives. I couldn't understand how God could let so many terrible things happen in the world when He has the power to change them. My answer was that he had left us to fend for ourselves. In essence, I thought God had turned His back on us.

The second thing was not accepting God's love and forgiveness. Sure we must forgive and love others, but we must also realize that we are loved. We must realize that even though we have sinned, God loves us. With that love comes trust. We must learn to trust him. That means that even though these bad things happen in the world, we must trust that God is doing the right thing.

Thirdly, we cannot fight sin on our own. In other words, we do not have the power to stop sinning. We must accept that we are sinners and no matter what we will sin. We can overcome our sin by letting Jesus direct, guide, help, and control us. True salvation comes only from Jesus. He was a perfect man who died for us, so that we may live. He saved us from God's wrath. Being saved, means we accepting Jesus into our hearts. He carried our sin on the cross for us so that we may live. Simultaneously, if we don't let Him carry the burden of our sin, then how can He? We must give it all to Him, and let Him help us overcome our sin.

Lastly, when we say Jesus has saved us, we are saying He is our Savior. This means Jesus is our Lord and God. We have recognized and accepted that Jesus has all power and authority over earth. He has the power to forgive sins. He has the power to change lives. He has the power to help us.

After this, I still said to myself, “sure, it sounds good and all, but how can you actually do something that is so abstract? Jesus isn't here.” While sitting there thinking about all this, one of the preachers asked me if I wanted to be saved. I told him "yes" and then asked "how?"

He took me up to the altar and we kneeled down. The rest of the group circled around us. They all started praying. My eyes were closed and my ears were open listening to his prayers crying out to Jesus. I could hear people crying in the background. My fists were clenched, and my body was shaking with fear.

It all seemed hokey and fake, just like watching it on TV. I kept thinking that I should just get up and leave. I thought, “I don't belong here. All these people are nuts.” Still, I prayed. I prayed to God asking him for help. I prayed and asked God to save me from all these strange people. I kept praying until finally something in me broke.

My clenched fists opened flat against the altar and tears came streaming down my face. Jesus was standing before me. “I am sorry Jesus. I am so sorry. I am such a horrible person.” I cried and cried. Then, something entered into me. It was a new peaceful feeling. A new relief entered me and all the bad inside of me let go. All my anxiety, my pain, my fears, my frustrations, and my sins had been lifted off of me. Then, I heard the preacher ask me if I had accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and savoir. I said “yes”.

We all stood up. Every person walked up and hugged me, telling me how much they loved me. Thirty different people, I had never met, poured their hearts out for me that I might be saved. They welcomed me to a new life. I don't remember half their faces. My mind was in eclipse.

Afterwards, I went to use the bathroom. I had this new feeling like nothing I've ever felt. It was as if someone was standing behind me looking over me. I kept turning around thinking someone was there, but no one was there. Even standing in the bathroom stall, it felt as though someone was watching me. Upon walking back to the group, I realized what it was.

It was Jesus following me. I was now a member of his flock, and He my Shepard. He was watching me as my protector and giver of life. Now I know the difference between being lost and saved. To be saved means to be with Christ. To be lost means to be without Christ. When you are with Christ, you have no doubts. You feel His presence in your life, you know He's there, and you know He loves you. You are His. Without Christ, you are without purpose, you live for death, you feel pain and loneliness, you feel a void that many attempt to fill with the pleasures of the world like drugs and sex. Without Jesus, you carry a great burden of sin that traps you in guilt and makes you hide yourself from the world behind materialism and a false sense of beauty. This all came to me that night. As Jesus said in the bible, “I am the truth, the light, and the way.” When I found Jesus, I knew the truth. I knew God.

Being saved didn't solve all my problems or instantly make me a holy man. I still sin outwardly. I know Christ is within me, and I'm willing to do whatever He commands of me. I await the hope of Heaven, the day when Christ will return and fulfill the work He has begun here on earth. On that day, He has promised me a new body, a new home, eternal life, and perfection. Here on earth I may face many trial and tribulations, but I will always have hope for a glorious future.

Thus far, my life has been filled with many new friends. Jesus has really opened new doors for me. The best way I can put it: before Christ, I was living to die. I was trying to make a home here on earth. Trying to build my house on the hill. Trying to find security in a career and build my empire like so many people do. A large part of art is all about that, becoming immortal by carving your soul into stone, or canvas. I'm trying to change that. I'm living to live. God has promised me everlasting life. I am saved from eternal damnation. Instead of living everyday worrying that tomorrow I will die, I'm living every day as though time has no end. Enjoy today, for today, as today will never end. I know that I will die, everyone must die and it is a debt we all owe. However, death does not have to be the end. Christ is offering more.

Another way to say it is that life is no longer about rewards. It’s not about what I can get or how good I am. It is about giving and love. It’s not about trying to earn anything or prove anything. It is about saying, “Thank You” and letting God love.

My New Life in Christ

That evening was the beginning of a new life in Christ. I truly felt like I had been born again, as if a new life had been given to me. Little did I know that night of all that would come. A new relationship had been established. I was united as one with God. This would echo throughout everyday, whether I acknowledged Him or not. He is with me. Everyday is a new testimony to how great God is.

A few days after this life-changing event, my brother told me I would have to quit smoking. That didn’t make sense to me. If God had forgiven my sins, even the new sins, then why would I have to quit?

And so, I prayed to Jesus. I said, “Jesus, I can’t quit smoking. I have tried and tried. I like smoking. I like how it makes me feel. I like the taste. Everyone keeps telling me that I have to quit. I don’t know if that’s true, but I can’t. If you want me to quit smoking, you are going to have to come down from Heaven and tell me. You will have to help me because I can’t stand withdraw. I can’t do it myself.”

Two days later, I was standing on my porch. I felt the Spirit of Christ stirring within me. In a still and silent voice, He said, “Blake, I want you to quit smoking.” I said, “Okay Lord, I will. I trust you. I will give it up at midnight tonight.”

I kept my word and at midnight I put down my last cigarette. Since I kept my faith in Him, trusting that He would help me, Jesus answered my prayer. The following days I had little to no withdraw effects. I didn’t suffer and it was actually easy to quit. Jesus did all the work. All I had to do is trust Him.

This event revealed so much to me. I quit smoking out of love. Jesus Christ loved me first. He died for me. I knew this to be as true as daylight. Because of God’s goodness, because of His love for me, I could love Him. He had made a way that was otherwise impossible. My obedience comes not by behaving a particular way by my own power, but by allowing Christ to have His way in me. I obey God’s law, not because I do it, but because Christ does it in me. As a result, works are produced. I do not work, but Christ works in me.

Being so excited and so much in love with God, I desired to learn more of Him. This lead me to start reading the bible. I had decided I would start with the book of Job. For many years, I had read the bible only to be more and more confused. I had always felt there was something deeper in the pages, but never could understand. This time, reading the bible was different. Everything made sense to me. I understood. I could read it just like any other book, and enjoy it like I was reading a novel.

I never intended reading the entire bible. However, the words captured me. They were true. They said everything I knew inside. They made sense. They aligned with my experience of Christ, and what Christ had shared with me in Spirit. And so, I read and read until I finished the entire bible.

At some point along this journey, I decided to keep a journal. I wrote down all the scriptures that provoked thoughts in a little black book. At times, I will review these scriptures and recall those thoughts. This was God speaking to me personally. He was interpreting this scripture in me. Through this, I gained much insight.

Almost immediately after being saved, I began writing. The night I was saved, I wrote my testimony to a friend and then rewrote to many others whom I love. It has been refined and rewritten for two years. This current testimony is not the end or the last. I, myself, my life and person, is the actual testimony of God. What is written is merely a record. This record will pass away. I will live forever. For an eternity in Heaven, I will speak to the greatness and glory of God. I am living proof that He is a good God. His light will forever be reflected in me.

There are so many more things to tell. God has done many great things for me. I am so excited to see where He will take me in the years to come, especially what awaits me in Heaven. I have given my life to Christ. It is my wish that one day I would die for Him, as a witness, as a martyr. This is what I desire. I wish to do this in love, so that others may share in all this. There is only one thing we can take with us to Heaven. That is other people. I want you, anyone and everyone, to come with me. A great celebration is being prepared in Heaven, and so I ask, will you be there?